Writing Sample - Zaphira's Quest

This is the first page of a novel I started writing when I was 13 years old and recently re-edited while I was typing it for archival purposes. I love the first few paragraphs of the story. I think it is very attention grasping and well written for having been 13!  :)

Chapter One

Three days at sea, and she was sick of it. The constant motion of the ship as it went over the moving
water, the smell of sweat and grime at every turn of her face, and the men that couldn't keep their eyes
off of her. Three days, and she had been afraid to fall asleep every night. Even though she had the
captain's assurance that not a living soul would touch her, she had learned at an early age to not pay
heed to all that she is told.

She kept mostly to the little cabin she had paid for. She would not risk being seen up on deck any more
than she had to. She felt as though seeing eyes were just waiting for a moment of defenselessness.
Fresh air and food was all she needed when she ventured out, and she was always quick to return.
Three days, and it was finally over.

She felt the ship come into port and dock. There was a loud banging at her cabin door. “What is it?”
She cried out. She didn't want to open the door. She had no idea who was there. “Tis of the Captain,
Miss. Says e've arrived. Time ye get going.” She waited not a moment. She grabbed her cloak and
wrapped it tightly around her, making sure to conceal as much of herself as possible. With hood in
place and her bag at her side, she opened the door to make her way off this wreck they called a ship.
The man stood in the doorway, grinning a toothless grin that sent a shiver down her spine. She made no
comment. She pushed her way through the tiny hall and felt a hand grab at her behind. Furious, she
spun around and pulled a small dagger to his throat. “Touch me again, and I swear this blade will know
the color of your blood.” Wiping the grin off of his face, he raised his hands above his shoulders. She
pulled the weapon down and made her way up the stairs, refusing to put the dagger away until she
reached land. No one dared bothered her. She bid no goodbyes to anyone. She had none to give. She
was glad to be rid of the ship and the nasty men it carried.

With her feet firmly planted on the ground, she felt more at ease. After concealing her dagger once
again, she encased her long black raven hair inside the hood of her cloak and held her bag a little
tighter. She was in a new country and had no idea where to go next. Feeling the ache from traveling,
she decided what she really needed was a drink. Nothing to dull her senses, but something weak to help
calm her nerves and relax a little.

She followed the main road from the port that led into the neighboring town. It was best not to stop at a
pub near the docks. All she would encounter would be the same type of men that were on the ship, and
she was beyond finished in dealing with those sorts. Something a little further in would be better. A
place where the common folk would more than likely be the customers. A small inn or tavern where
she would hopefully be able to blend into.

After sometime walking, she stopped at a tavern that wouldn't have been considered small back in her
hometown, but seemingly smaller when compared to the many other buildings and taverns around.
Having not many options before her, she decided that here was as good as any other. She opened the
door to let herself in, a loud creaking sound emerging from the old rusty hinges. Cringing at the noise,
she found that she now had all the attention of the tavern. She made her way to a table in the back,
avoiding all eye contact, pulling her cloak as tight around her as she could. She pulled a wooden chair
away from the table and sat in it. She spoke not a word, nor gave any signal for service. She figured
eventually one of the bar maids would make their way over to take her order. Instead she was faced
with a tall man who loomed over her smaller figure.