In Loving and Losing Others, We Love and Lose Ourselves.

I have often thought that we do not just fall in love with a person for who they are, but for how they make us feel. We love what we become when we are with that person. It is almost as though we are transformed. So it is not just love from one person to another, it becomes loves that we create in ourselves as well. When that is taken away we not only long for that person, but for the person we used to be when we were with them. When the person that creates love is lost, so is the person that we had become.

After it all ends, part of the heartbreak is in having to re-discover who we really are. This is why it is so important to take time in between relationships and not just jump from one into the other. We need the time to find who we were before again, or for the truly wise, to re-create who we are. Though it is my general habit to follow this path, I am human, and I have suffered this folly. The results were disastrous. In others, I have seen this mistake made over and over again, many too many times. They go from one to the next, usually with someone completely opposite in certain aspects, because they are still suffering. The one before was too serious, so the next one is not serious at all. Instead of considering what it was that worked, what went wrong, what could have been different and most of all...what you have learned about yourself, your likes, wants and dislikes, etc.... They are left to discover these things while already in a new relationship. From what I have seen and learned, this creates more problems in the now current relationship.

In every relationship that ends, there are many lessons to be learned, so long as you are willing and wise enough to seek them out and learn them. By doing so, you re-create who you are, so to speak. With that knowledge, it will leave you prepared in your search for the next one, where you will likely have something that is less dramatic and longer lasting, considering you follow along with what you have learned about your  new self. It is impossible to not carry baggage into your future. What makes the difference is how you carry it. ^_^